Tag Archives: children

Children need boundaries

Childhood anxiety is often the result of poor boundaries that encourage insecurity.

Children need to feel secure to grow.

Children need to feel secure to grow.

One of the great issues children suffer from is anxiety.  This anxiety spawns many symptoms from suicide to bullying.  An industry has been built up to profit from childhood anxiety in the form of therapists to drugs, an industry which would rather the child continue to exist in this anxious state.  Anxiety spins off because of insecurity, and the insecurity is caused by ineffective boundaries, the solution is healthy boundaries.

Children are a resource, like seed in the ground, they are potential, a resource that is still to manifest and flower.  The carer and teacher are the gardeners, and society provides the soil in which these seeds will grow from.  Like everything humanity has poisoned the soil in which these seeds are growing, and the gardeners are less skilled and wise in their ability than former generations.

All children need security if they are to flourish. If the child is anxious they waste energy on dealing with the crisis rather than growing.  The answer is healthy boundaries, which provide protection, opportunities to grow and a structure for the child to build a world view of self and reality.  The current boundaries that the majority of children encounter in the English-speaking world are bad, they fail to provide opportunities to grow, and are so vague that the child has little idea what or where they are.


Yasmeen Olya makes a good point on how to protect children in her blog post. Anything that makes a child feel insecure leads to anxiety, which pulls away resources that could have been used for growing.  If there are troubles in the family or in the world, the child has no need to know about it.  Protection is age and ability dependent, a child should only come into contact with sex, violence and the problems of society when they are emotionally able to handle it; if they come against anything they are not ready for they suffer anxiety on a crippling level.  Television, video games and internet would be better eliminated or severely limited for most pre-teens.


Children grow if they are given the opportunity to play, experience and do. One of the important opportunities is giving children access to nature.  Nature is a great teacher, it will present children with natural challenges that prepare the child emotionally for the raw world of human society.  Children will encounter sex, death, suffering, violence in nature, as well as the living, nurturing, beauty and nobility that nature provides too. Children can play, swim, dig, climb and create in a social experiential environment.  There are many forms of opportunity beyond nature, and they all provide growing opportunities as longs as they are unstructured and available.  Opportunities need only adults to teach skills and knowledge, but the process or route the child chooses to create and explore should be left to them.  The human body is designed for activity so all opportunities are good if they encourage physical, emotional and intellectual activity in a liberated open way.  See anaturemom.com for what I mean about opportunities.


To a certain extent children come into the world with no sense of self or reality.  It is through play, doing and experience that the child slowly constructs a world view.  The child automatically borrows a world view from their carers and teachers as a substitute whilst they slowly construct their own.  It is down to the carer and teacher to provide a clear world view for the child which sets the limits which the child works in.  If the boundaries are unclear or invisible the child has no idea who they are or where they are in the world; suddenly the world grows into a large and dangerous place, insecurity sets in and then so does anxiety.  The structure starts off restricted with few choices, but grows as the child grows.

Boundaries that are ability dependent

Whilst age provides a good framework around which to construct boundaries, with greater experience it would be better to construct the boundaries based on ability.  Take for example a highly intelligent child, they will need boundaries that are less restrictive than a normal ability student.  Likewise a child with disabilities need more restrictive boundaries than a normal ability child.

I end with a video of an intelligent child who needed a university rather than normal school to satisfy their intellectual needs.  Though such a child preferred adult company to that of their age group, they still need strong emotional boundaries.

The illusion of control

Nature presents alternatives to the human obsession of control.

Swans adapt to change rather than seek to control it.

Swans adapt to rather than control change.

Last night I am in bed floating on an increasingly stormy threatening ocean, afraid I would fall into the dark cold waters to my doom.  It was a dream, the bed my sense of security, the ocean the chaotic universe.  To my relief my dream bed grew larger and the ocean calmer.  We all need security, but the process of control to achieve this sense of security is wrong.

Energy systems

The universe is composed of layers of energy systems.  “Panta Rhei!” announced the philosopher Heraclitus as he observed that the natural state of the universe is to flow, move, change.  The energy in the energy systems naturally favours strife, renewal and creation.  The purpose of all life is to live, grow and create.  The design of all life is movement. Energy moves, be it as a form of money, water, food, heat, knowledge; in fact everything is in a state of becoming, motion and change.  Nothing is still.

The illusion of control

Then comes humanity with their illusions of control.  Humanity entertains the delusion that the universe is deterministic, that at any given moment humanity can know everything there is to know about an energy system; in reality all energy systems feed into each other, have hidden parts, have a state of complexity of anything more than three variables that makes it impossible for even the fastest of human computers to calculate the true state of a system at any one moment. Another human delusion is that energy systems are dead cold mechanical systems thus easy to determine and control; in reality all energy systems are chaotic, living and self organising; energy systems that are destroying, renewing and creating new forms of itself.  In such energy systems the smallest change of a variable causes a large overall outcome in a system.

The danger of abstraction

Control obsessed humanity abstracts complex energy systems down to simple self-confirming illusions of control.  What will reach the ground first, a sack of feathers or a sack of apples each a ton? In an abstraction only using gravity as a variable humanity proudly declares both will arrive at the same time; however they leave out friction and air currents which can have a large unpredictable impact on the outcome. If you are unable to determine outcomes in systems, you are unable to control the system.

The danger of determinism

The process humanity uses to control the energy flow in an energy system is by forcing it to be deterministic.  This process leads to obstructions, stagnation and interference with the strife, renewal and creative aspects of energy flow in a system.  Humanity even talks about controlling the weather to achieve favourable outcomes, not realising that any attempt to interfere with energy flow in the weather will cause the entire energy system to break down.  Often by control humanity slows or even stops the energy flow altogether.  All energy systems are healthy because of the flow of energy through them in a cycle of potential-kinetic-potential-kinetic-repeat. If this cycle of flow of energy is blocked the entire system turns entropic and breaks down.  It also wastes large sums of energy fighting against the flow of energy systems.

Control leads to sick energy systems

Practically all human processes are focussed on command and control, which leads to the flow of money, energy, food, water, information being paralysed or slowed.  All energy systems that relies on this sort of energy flow starts to break down according to the laws of thermodynamics.  Look at the effects of the vast control systems on the human information and money systems due to 9-11 and the credit crunch.  Look at the children where fear of child abuse, road traffic accidents, of health and safety has the outcome of childhood obesity, allergies, mental health issues and eye sight problems.  How liberty, creativity and wisdom has been devastated in children and the human society thanks to the obsession of control.  Where energy is flowing in an energy system it is healthy, when it is controlled to the point the energy is no longer naturally flowing, sickness is the result.

Nature has the answer

What is the answer? Look to nature.  Nothing in nature is controlling energy flow, instead it uses defence and attack strategies to capture energy.  All plants and animals establish territories that contain enough energy resources to satisfy their needs, they never try to mess with the energy flow, they tap into it.  The purpose of all life is to live, grow and create; all which requires energy.  All strategies in life are focussed on energy; all life aggressively and creatively captures energy, uses the energy efficiently and conserves energy.  Energy impacts life processes and purposes, ultimately determining who survives and prospers.

All plants and animals won’t control energy flow, they adapt to changes in the energy system.  When the lake in Castle Park Colchester froze over recently all the ducks headed off to the river; when snow hit Castle Park, all the squirrels vanished to their nests; even the children adapted to changing weather conditions in Castle Park by indulging in snowman building and sledging.

Fighting against energy systems costs energy

To fight against an energy system costs energy.  A plant and animal follows the rule of least resistance where they follow a strategy that costs the least amount of energy.  All life will rapidly adapt with new strategies to changing situations in an energy system, for instance some birds will turn cannibal if food runs out.  Genetically all life will mutate their DNA rapidly to environmental changes, with viruses being the fastest adapters (thus a warning if bat species are exterminated, as the viruses from bats will jump to humans to survive, for example like Ebola and SARS.)


In summary nothing in nature seeks to control energy flow, but rather adapts and uses strategies to capture, use and conserve energy in an efficient manner.  All life follows the principle of least resistance following the strategy that uses the least amount of energy to achieve an outcome.  The purpose of all life is to live, grow and to create; all which requires energy.  All life carves out spaces with enough energy resources to sustain them, which they will defend aggressively and creatively.

The stupidity of humanity and its choice

Only humanity could be stupid enough to waste energy attempting to control energy flow in energy systems, thus undermining the whole energy system that humanity depends on to survive. I dream that humanity will wake up and learn from nature, for like in my dream the outcome will be that humanity risks falling out of bed into the abyss of no return.

Prosperity is a blessing in disguise

Entitlement, rights and obligations are human invented illusions.

Children are full of hidden potential that requires years of effort to bring out.

Children are full of hidden potential that requires years of effort to bring out.

I spent money, energy and time yesterday chasing a business opportunity, the hard work paid off with success.  I wrote about what prosperity is yesterday, now I wish to point out that prosperity comes with a challenge. Everything in life has a challenge that you pass to receive the blessing.  For my hard work, I passed my challenge, my blessing was a large business contract.

Firstly, I wish to kill off some delusions humanity has.

There are no obligations, only choices

You have no obligations in this universe, only choices.  What we think of as obligations are human inventions, for instance to obey the speed limit and pay our taxes.  The universe follows a certain pattern which Heraclitus calls the “common”.  Our body and mind has evolved and behaves according to this common, thus to conflict with the common means conflict with our own selves; life is easier if we follow the common.  We have choice to follow the common or not.  There is no great authority, or set of laws that obliges us to obey; the universe cares nothing if we follow its pattern or not, the choice is ours, but to conflict with the universe is going to have painful outcomes.

There are no rights, only contracts

Everyone screams and stamps their feet about rights in this world.  In this universe you have no rights, not even to live. Rights are human inventions where the State sets out a contract detailing rights and obligations, often which it then abuses.  Every interaction you have with everything in the universe is a relationship, which of itself quickly forms a contract between both parties; an understanding that both parties offer something of benefit to the other, and leave the table a winner.  Bees and flowers have no rights or obligations to each other, they have formed a contract to trade benefits with each other, a relationship formed through choice.

You are entitled to nothing

Civilisation creates a life of ease and a fantasy of entitlement.  Practically everyone is caught in the delusion of entitlement, for instance to welfare, health care and education.  This entitlement leads to irresponsibility, abuse of freely offered services, neediness, greed and a mentality of taking things for granted.  Any service freely given in human society is paid for by somebody or something, or as a result of the suffering inflicted on a people or nature. In this universe you are entitled to nothing, everything comes with a challenge to be overcome before you receive the blessing within.

Everything is a blessing

Your health, your eyesight, your life, your friends are all blessings.  These blessings are states of being, and are never an end state, but rather a state of becoming that is going on from moment to moment whilst you follow the principles that caused this state of being to exist in the first place.  You start being unsustainable those gifts of health, eyesight, life and friendship will vanish.  You are not entitled to these blessings, you have earned them by good action, for instance by being kind to others and eating the right foods.

The challenge to reveal the blessings

In the story of The White Buffalo Woman nature in the guise of a the White Buffalo Woman gave a gift to humanity of a white buffalo, a symbol of prosperity. To ancient people the buffalo, or its equivalents the bison or bull, were if killed provided a family with everything they needed from food, to salt to clothing to tools.  However, whilst nature makes such blessings freely available, emanating blessings all the time, there is a challenge of revealing the blessing within.

In Celtic stories they often touch on the subject of people and things being invisible or vanishing, since in the Celtic world view all objects were split into a spiritual and material state of being.  Mother nature to the Celts offered blessings that were invisible, hidden in a world of potentiality, and it was down to the hero to reveal, to make visible the blessing through passing a challenge.

Whilst White Buffalo Woman freely offers her blessings to humanity as a buffalo, the blessings are hidden in the animal, which has to be hunted then overcome in battle to release, reveal or make visible the blessings as food, clothing and tools. No buffalo is going to offer itself freely to humanity to kill, they are dangerous animals, thus there is the challenge.

Decisions should consider future generations

Better to make decisions for the long-term rather than short-term gains.

Better to have no children if all we are leaving them is a toxic legacy.

Better to have no children if all we are leaving them is a toxic legacy.

I note that practically all leaders make decisions based on short-term gain rather than consider the long-term impacts of how such decisions impact future generations.  What is being left for future generations is a toxic legacy which will result in a harsh life for them.

How sad it seems that future generations will never see living species we take for granted today; or that they will be paying the accumulated public debt we have left for them; or that the world will be reduced to a bloody battleground of war; or all the land, water and air will be polluted; or that instead of abundance future generations will suffer shortages of water, food and energy.

Until decision makers change their attitude… fast… then the legacy we are leaving to future children, it would be an act of kindness to have no children at all, so they won’t suffer its consequences.


Sustainability Action 9 : conserve electricity.

I have from today made a point of making sure that all lights, gadgets and equipment are switched off when not in use, thus to conserve energy.  Such action saves money, but also prevents wastage of energy.